'AITA for not wanting to raise my ex's affair baby even though my parents want a grand kid?'
"AITA for going no contact with my family after they expected me to get back with my ex and help her raise her baby?"
GlitteringBarber3352 writes:
I am a 30-year-old man. I am not sure how to word this because I'm crushed and don't know what to do. I have been with my high school sweetheart, Cassie, since we were 17. My parents love her, and so did I.
Our parents were always asking when we would get married and give them grandchildren, and Cassie and I would say when we are financially stable. We are both doing well in our careers. My job, however, sometimes requires me to leave the country. I left 7 months ago.
I am due to go back this week, except a friend of mine rang me to tell me that Cassie is 3 months pregnant. Obviously, I am not the father. I didn't believe my friend and called Cassie. After pushing her, she finally broke down crying and admitted that she is pregnant and it was a drunken mistake.
She said she doesn't know who the father is because it was a random guy. She said she wanted to keep the baby and that we could raise the baby together. I was in shock and ended the call. I texted her and said we were done. She tried to call back, but I switched my phone off. I was on autopilot for a couple of days and just worked.
Then my boss told me he had a family emergency call from my dad, and I took the call. My parents basically said that Cassie confessed to cheating, but it was a mistake and the baby needs a father. I saw red and told him if he was so worried about the baby, then he could step up and be there. We got into a heated argument, and I ended the call and blocked him.
My mother, father, and ex have been texting me from different numbers, telling me to step up and that mistakes happen. I got so frustrated that I called them and said I was going no contact with them and would be looking to apply for a visa to stay in the current country permanently. I heard my mother and ex start crying before I hung up. It's been a week now, and I have had time to think about what happened and wonder, AITA?
Here are the top comments:
Solid-Feature-7678 says:
NTA (Not the A%^#ole) and why do so many people think a man should bite the bullet and raise some rando's kid because their wife/girlfriend/acquaintance decided to have a baby with some other guy?
Appelpie says:
NTA. She knows who the father is. He doesn’t want it. She has had approximately 6-8 weeks to think about this and for her this is the fix. You and her, and a baby. Pretending to be the happy family. But it would be pretending.
Be careful. If you marry her now, you would legally become baby’s father. Even if it would turn out in a divorce shortly after the baby is born, you will have to pay for raising a baby that is not yours.
You have been together 13 years. If you REALLY had wanted to marry the girl, you had placed the ring on her finger before you left for 7 months.. don’t fool yourself. I'm not saying you don't love/ like her. But it wasn’t enough to tie the knot. And the same counts for her. Otherwise she would not have slept with someone else.
If you go back home after your tenure abroad, wait and see what you feel and if this is something you want to work out. Don't do anything drastic (like marriage) until the baby is born, and don’t put yourself on the birth certificate.
RoundTicket39 says:
Male disposability. The same mental ruling that says, "women and children first" will frequently manifest in this fashion depending on circumstances. While OP's ex see's herself as a victim of circumstance in need of support and an excess of forgiveness, because she totally didn't at all engage in behaviour by choice that leads to pregnancy, his parents likewise see a victim, but also the prospects of a child being raised alone.
Plus, given they "love" OP's ex, they're probably more than a lot favouring her and replacing him in their eyes to focus on her needs. As such, OP gets to be fuel and kindling for the fire to keep his ex and her baby warm.
Forward_Most_1933 says:
NTA. Your parents' obsession with having grandkids is clouding their judgment. You have no obligation to Cassie or her child after she decided to cheat on you. It's cruel of them to expect you to play daddy to her child. Stay no contact and continue with your plans. Cassie and your parents are awful. Sorry, OP.
What do you think?